


Stars In The Sky

by CaptainJimothyCarter



Series: Avengers Bingo [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes & Peggy Carter Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grieving Souls, Hurt/Comfort, Peggy Carter Needs a Hug, Peggy is a lil OOC and i'm sorry, Steggy - Freeform, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:43:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJimothyCarter/pseuds/CaptainJimothyCarter
Summary: Peggy and Steve share many things in life, including the day they lost their loved ones.Just years apart.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Peggy Carter, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Avengers Bingo [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183064
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Stars In The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> For Avengers Bingo - Cuddling
> 
> I'm sorry

_ "Carter! Hey, Carter!” _

Sergeant Barnes slid to a stop in front of her in the mess hall, preventing Peggy from making her much-needed escape. His head tilted as he stuck his chiseled jawline out, the dusting of stubble across his cheek telling her he was overdue for a shave. 

“Barnes, I am very busy,” Peggy sighed, giving a shake of her curls. She kept her shoulders back, chin jutted out, and jaw tense in every manner to keep her composure. “I have no time to entertain your questions about London or-”

“Whoa, whoa, Carter-” James rolled his eyes, hands dropping down to his sides after he’d raised them in an attempt to cut her off. “I wasn’t asking you about  _ that.  _ I was wondering if you’ve seen Steve? He wasn’t at dinner.”

There had been an empty seat beside Barnes that Peggy hadn’t missed during her rushed dinner. She had missed his presence and the fleeting glances over to her, even the small taps to her hand to get her attention and attempt to bring her into a conversation she was just listening to. 

Then again, she’s also been incredibly busy through no fault of her own and nor Steve’s.

“I’m not Captain Rogers’ keeper, Barnes. I would think that’s you.” The snappish response didn’t go amiss with how his face pinched at her. “Now-”

“Now  _ nothing,” _ Barnes scoffed, actually stomping his foot down like a frustrated toddler. “I don’t know where Steve went and today is...today is a hard day for him. I’m worried about him, not that he’d do anything stupid, but I’m worried he’ll just...get lost in his head. Look-” The man groaned and pinched his brow. “Agent-Carter- _ Peggy.  _ Today is the anniversary of his ma’s death, okay? He wouldn’t want you to know and if anyone can get through to him, it’s you.”

Peggy could feel the tension in her jaw slacking, her shoulders losing the tension too. Today was -  _ Blood Nora, _ no wonder Steve had looked like a kicked puppy today. It had nothing to do with Phillips’ and his normal gruff behavior. If Steve is refusing to allow Barnes to help and get near him, then he must be in a bad way. 

“I would argue that it’s you too but…” She sighed and glanced at the clock on the wall. She had half an hour before sundown, she was sure she could find Steve by then. “I’ll look for him.”

“No, ma’am, it ain’t. Not as of late. It might’ve used to be but ever since he rescued me from Hydra, he’s not wanting to put too much on me. Says my mental state is bad enough with whatever the hell they’ve done to me.”

There was a retort on her tongue, ready to lash out until she saw the honesty written in James’ silver eyes. Steve had been constantly worried about Barnes and his mental wellbeing - they all had. The few times they had slept in camp or in the underground bunker when the situation called for it, he’d woken them up with screaming. No one got to sleep after that.

Leave it to Steve to refuse to allow his problems to be anyone else's. The noble bastard. 

“Just leave it to me to find him,” Peggy reassured, forcing herself to give Barnes a smile. 

He knew her heart wasn’t into it, not with the way his lips pursed. He was right in not to comment on the flush on her cheeks or the redness of her eyes as she walked away, donning a coat with every intention to find Steve.

Just where in the hell would he be?

It was useless to check his tent, Barnes’s tent, and even her own but Peggy did anyway. No trace of Steve even in his own tent. His book,  _ Little Women  _ was left on the bed, along with the corner of his sketchpad under his pillow. She really should teach him how to hide things better.

He wasn’t near the washrooms and Phillips hadn’t seen him after their daily briefing either but did comment on Steve’s unusual  _ out-of-it  _ behavior. The colonel almost sounded worried.

None of the guards posted on the perimeter had seen him but that didn’t mean anything to a Captain who was oddly good at hiding despite his size. It made sense, Steve still sometimes thought he had a smaller body. He made himself not be seen when he didn’t want to be. He used his enhanced senses to get by, studying patterns of the guards, and slipping between the trees.

Just this one time, she had to find a Captain who didn’t want to be found. 

Now, where would she go if she didn’t want to be found?

_ Easy.  _ Hidden in plain sight.

The answer came from a broken stick and a bootprint left in the mud on the edge of the camp, close to the waterfront. Steve did mention he always adored the sound of the waves, that they calmed his anxious thoughts. 

She followed the footprints until they disappeared, leaving her standing in the middle of a clearing that offered a beautiful view of the full moon and her stars above. 

Prints just didn’t disappear, Captains didn’t just disappear. 

But Captains who wanted to disappear and thought they were a whole foot shorter and a hundred-something pounds lighter did. 

Peggy’s head tilted up as a leaf fluttered down, hearing the softest  _ gasp  _ like someone was struggling to breathe for air in between sobs. It was almost hidden by the sound of the waves and the wind rustling around them. 

No choice but up, she guessed.

Climbing trees had been her entire childhood. Climbing trees, reading books, slaying monsters, and saving the day with her wooden sword. Dirty dresses, torn hoses had been her entire childhood. Refusing to grow up, refusing to spend time being a proper lady, and following after a familiar dusting of dirt-blonde hair, and the same dimples that she had.

Peggy let out an annoyed huff of air as she pulled herself up on the last branch, annoyed that she’d be spending her evening reading reports and scrubbing the sap out of the blouse. There was her Captain.

He sat on the opposite tree as her, leaning against the thick trunk. In his lap, he held a small locket that she had never seen, in the opposite hand, a well-loved rosary, turning it over in his fingers. She watched his chest heave with a soft, broken sob that made her heartache. There were tear stains on his face, his hair a mess from constantly touching it.

For a while, she didn’t say anything as she laid against the other branch, watching him cry. She wanted to give him his space, all while being there in presence to comfort him.

“You don’t h-have to be here,” Steve whispered after what felt like an eternity. He still didn’t look at her, the fingers curling over the locket. “I-’m fine. You can tell Bucky I-I’m fine.”

“We both know that would be lying and I’m incapable of lying,” Peggy purred, gripping the branch to swing her leg over and straddle it. She was desperate to reach out and card her fingers through his hair, to comfort him.

“You’re a spy,” Steve hiccuped, finally picking his head up to look at her. “You lie all the time.”

“Not to the people I care about,” she pointed out, shrugging her shoulders. “Not without a purpose. We both know I am not going to leave you like this but I won’t force you to talk either - you deserve to grieve.”

She almost reached out to touch them, if more than her body length of space wasn’t between them. She hated how broken he looked, she wanted nothing more than to just comfort him. 

“Bucky told you.” It wasn’t a question. Just a muted expression that sounded almost bitter. “Course he did. Always worried, never worried about himself. I told him I’m fine, just…”

He made a strange sound in his throat, looking down at the things in his hands. He squeezed them and sniffled. “I miss her, today...is the worst.”

When his head to pick up to meet hers, she could see the pain reflecting on his face that had been in his voice. “You’ve been crying too,” he noted in a raw tone that left her feeling exposed.

A person is allowed to grieve, she knew. A person is allowed to cry, to grieve, to be human, but it should be illegal to see Steve like this.

Her heart  _ broke  _ to see him like this.

Peggy sighed in a shaken manner, her eyes cast down. Her nails threatened to break with how tightly she gripped the branch. Not in fear of falling, but trying to feel something other than the heart-breaking pain flooding her. 

_ “Yes,”  _ she whispered after a beat of silence between them. “I have. You’re not the only one grieving today. I-”

She cleared her throat picked her head up, studying Steve’s expression. He was silent, earnest in trying to study her. To give her the moment she needed to speak. 

“I lost my brother when I-before I joined the war. We were close growing up but one of our last conversations...we argued. I said some hurtful things that I regret and will always regret for the rest of my life. He  _ died  _ and he’s the reason I joined the war, essentially, more than what I was doing beforehand. And today is...the anniversary of his death.”

She couldn’t help the tears that burned her eyes or the few that rolled down her face, none that she bothered to wipe away. The sob that left her made her breathless. Every emotion she’s fought to keep down during her duties today, every bit of emotion she’s struggled against came back in full force.

It  _ broke  _ her to even think of the argument between her and Michael that had to lead him to storm out, never to be seen again.

There was the sound of a branch cracking, leaves shaking before the branch she was on shook. Peggy’s head jerked up to find Steve sitting next to her, a little breathless as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“Both people who were important to us in life...died on the same day. Figure that.” He gave a hallowed laugh and Peggy couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her. He was right, two deaths, just years apart. “My mother died in the very hospital she worked at, she wore herself out, and just couldn’t shake the-the...sickness. I watched her die and I-I was so powerless. I couldn’t help her…I-”

He swallowed and the arm around her shoulders tightened as he pulled her closer. His shoulders shook as she leaned into him, his face pressed into her curls. She could feel a few of his tears running through her curls. 

“We were both powerless,” she whispered. There was nothing she could’ve done to help Michael, he was to die anyway, regardless of the argument or not. There was still grief and will always be grief and regret on her part. There was nothing she could’ve done and she hated to feel powerless.

She hated how she couldn’t change the course of the events.

“He’s the reason I joined the SOE, then the SSR, because I didn’t want other people to dictate my life. I didn’t want to feel powerless any longer. I wanted to do something in my brother’s honor that would make him proud. I can’t take away the words I said or-or admit that he was right and I shouldn’t have been engaged to Fred, but I can...use his honor to guide me.”

If Steve was stunned to know that she was engaged, he said nothing. Even as she pulled away to look up at his face- the moonlight giving her enough light to see the tears still streaming down his face.

His hand shook as he reached out to brush her jawline, brushing away the last few tears. She shouldn’t think of his powerful jawline, shouldn’t think of his thick lashes clumping together from his tears. Or how beautiful he was looking down at her. 

“Your brother would be proud of you,” Steve whispered, slowly pressing their foreheads together. “He would be honored and astounded with the work you’ve done. L-look at me! I’d still be an asthmatic idiot, fighting dickheads on the street if it wasn’t for you vouching for me with Erksine in that-that office.”

“Michael would’ve loved you,” Peggy whispered, their noses brushing together. There was a patch of stubble along his jawline that he’d missed in his recent shave. “As would your mother- she would be proud of you for all you’ve done, Steven. Big or small - she would’ve been  _ proud  _ of you for everything. How far you’ve come, all you’ve done. She would’ve-”

Steve’s lips pressed against hers, plush, warm, and tasting of his salty tears. Peggy melted into his kiss, a few tears streaming down her face. The pad of his thumb gently wiped away the tears. She cupped his face, gently wiping away the tears from his face.

“I love you,” Steve whispered, pulling away after a beat, both of them breathless. “I-I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t, I-”

His face was starting to flush a bright pink, the flush burning along the tips of his ears and down his neck.

“No, no it’s okay,” Peggy reassured, reaching out to touch Steve’s face and bring him back. “You don’t need...to apologize, I-”

She sighed and gave a shake of her curls. “I love you too, Steven.”

Maybe it wasn’t the best place for the first kiss or the best situation, but Peggy regretted nothing. Comfort was comfort.

“Your mother would be proud of you,” she whispered, gently brushing his soft hair from his forehead. “It’s okay to cry, to miss her, but you can’t...you can’t brush Bucky off like this - he worries about you too.”

Steve’s chest heaved, giving a shaken sound as he held her tighter. “I know he does, he always worries. I know he misses her too but I had to be alone. I-”

Peggy shushed him with another kiss, a gentle peck on the lips. She leaned him down into her side and rubbed at his backside. He didn’t need to explain it, sometimes you just had to be alone. She hadn’t had that luxury and no matter how much she wished she was alone, she was glad she wasn’t right now.

“I don’t think we’ll ever stop missing them. All we can do is try to live up to their honor and make them proud.” Steve sighed, pulling Peggy closer to her. He felt no worst than before, but he was glad he had her company at this moment.

While cuddling and sharing kisses, sitting on tree branches, and watching the sun set on the water wasn’t the best place to be in midst of a war, Steve found for this moment, he’d rather be nowhere else but with her. 

**Author's Note:**

> I know I should be working on Sugar Plum but this idea didn't leave my head.


End file.
